Sunday, May 26, 2013

A Small Batch of New Life Lessons


If you're into collectibles, know when it's time to sell, because there is a very fine line between valuable collectibles and worthless crap.

If you take your child to a party hosted by a well-known drunken party girl, do not be surprised if your child ends up on fire. 

The mind of a man cannot evolve without an occasional kick in the balls from life. 

Dignity is something to be faced not just on your deathbed, but in every bed.

Rely in your mind to accomplish as much as it hinders. 

Never wear a white shirt to an Italian meal. 

If you suddenly find yourself surrounded by men in hard hats and orange vests, walk away quickly. 

If you want something done right, lower your standards and have someone else do it. 

Men are pigs.  Women are pigs as well. 

Music is not meant to be listened to in a stationary position.

Even if you don't, make sure to fuck them like you love them.

Always be punctual, unless you're picking up a date.

If you enjoy sex, then learn to play the guitar.  You'll get more of it and you don't even have to play well.

Underspeak, don't overspeak.

Treat everyone with kindness, especially if you need something from them.
(OR:  If you're rude to a bank teller, don't expect a lollipop at the end of the transaction.)

To quote Tuco in The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, "If you have to shoot, shoot!  Don't talk."  This applies to most things in life.

People who speak clearly and enunciate get more out of life than those who mumble or whisper. 

Have a Happy Place.

Be a hero to someone, but don't feel obligated to wear the tights.  

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